


Could Have Been Worse, He Could Have Asked Zetsu to Cook

by karakuri_wordweaver



Category: Naruto
Genre: Allergies, M/M, Roses, Shinobi Spring Exchange 2020, Sloaners Spring Exchange 2020, Sweet Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23810893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karakuri_wordweaver/pseuds/karakuri_wordweaver
Summary: This is my work for Malakia for the Sloaners Shinobi Spring Exchange 2020. I chose the keywords roses, allergies, and sweet tea from a prompt, and included the desired characters. This work takes place in the same universe as "It Could Have Been Worse, She Could Have Asked Zetsu," but at a point in time prior to it.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Could Have Been Worse, He Could Have Asked Zetsu to Cook

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Malakia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malakia/gifts).



“Hard to believe this is my first spring back in Konoha as myself!” Obito stretched his arms high, basking in the subtle warmth of the early morning sun. “I’d forgotten about the blossoms.” 

“You’re saying you’ve never been back here in the spring, in all these years?” 

“Look, you don’t tend to pay attention to the flowers when you’re busy thinking about revenge... grand schemes... putting everyone into an infinite genjutsu... look, Bakashi, Madara didn’t give me much time to just sit back and enjoy the scenery.”

“Maa, I get it. You don’t need to remind me or yourself.”

“Kinda hard to forget that all happened when I’m still... you know...” 

“Green?” 

“Green!” Obito threw his hands into the air dramatically. “I still don’t get it! Once Madara took the Ten-Tails, I should have gone back to normal, right? But instead I’m still some kind of lunar tree person!” 

“I think it looks good on you,” Kakashi chuckled. 

“I just want to settle down and put all this behind me, but noooo... on top of sticking out like a sore thumb, I keep discovering that I have new freaky plant powers, usually at the most awkward times. Oh, and your mom’s servants keep bowing to me in the street and calling me ‘goddess’ and... aaugh, I can’t stand it!”

“Maybe you could ask my mother for advice?” 

“Are you kidding me? That’s the worst idea ever, Bakashi!” 

“She’s not really that bad, once you get to know her. At least, you know, now that she’s not trying to consume the life energy of the entire planet.” 

“That’s not even what gets me about her. She just... she talks to me like I’m a little kid!” 

“Well, to be fair, you act like a kid a lot of the time.” 

“Bakashi!” 

“Mmm... you prove my point.”

“Ugh, whatever.”

  
  


The jinchuuriki stomped ahead petulantly, with his friend walking leisurely behind him, as they continued their route to Ichiraku.

-

“Ah, Hatake-san, Uchiha-san, good to see you!” Teuchi greeted them jovially as they approached the ramen stand. “What can I get you today?” 

“Something that doesn’t have soup!” Obito replies bitterly. 

Teuchi’s face fell, seeming almost wounded by Obito’s response. 

“Don’t mind him. He’s just in a bad mood today.” 

“I see... well, I can get started on your order, if he needs more time to decide.” 

“Usual. Miso with fish cake and whatever fish is in season.” Kakashi turned to Obito. “You’ve never objected to coming here before.” 

“I know you like it. I really don’t like soup, though. I thought you remembered that.” 

Kakashi sighed. “It’s been almost twenty years, Obito, and I’ve had a lot on my mind and I thought you were dead. I’m sorry if I don’t remember these things.” 

Obito pouted, but his body language softened somewhat. “I’m being a brat, aren’t I?” 

“Just a little bit.”

He smiled sheepishly and asked Teuchi, more politely, “What kind of donburi do you have?”

-

Teuchi set a cup full of amber-colored liquid in front of each of them as he placed their lunches on the countertop. “Hmm? What’s this?” Kakashi asked, picking his cup up and giving it a tentative sniff. “Iwata, the fellow who runs the tea stand down the way, asked me to offer some to my regulars- he’s trying to drum up more business, I think. I rather like it, though it is a little sweet, just to warn you.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, before taking a small sip.

“Not too bad. A little floral for my tastes, though. Mmm… the aftertaste sort of reminds me of rice candy, a little.”

“Rice candy? Now we’re talking!” Obito exclaimed, taking a big swig of tea… and then another, and another. “Whoa! Yeah, it’s not exactly the same, but I like it! I like it a lot! Hey, could I order another cup of that?”

Teuchi nods, and sets another cup of the tea in front of Obito.

“Ha! You ought to see if Iwata-san lets you sell this stuff on the regular! I wouldn’t mind coming here at all if it means I can have this!”

“Are you okay?” Kakashi asked, amused. “I haven’t seen you get this worked up in a long time. It’s nice, but… sort of excessive.”

Obito just responds by raising his glass in Kakashi’s direction.

“Well then, a toast to being excessive!” he downs the entire glass in one go, setting it down on the counter with perhaps a bit too much force.

“Another, please!”

“Maybe you should actually eat your lunch.”

“I’ll eat my lunch with it. Promise.”

“Okay. Just… don’t forget to breathe or whatever. You’re practically inhaling that stuff.”

Teuchi was a little concerned as well, checking the ingredient list to make sure he hadn’t somehow gotten the Uchiha drunk. Then again… he really had no idea how plant people could even get intoxicated.

-

A bowl of chicken katsudon and five more glasses of tea later, and Obito was pleasantly full. Yet, despite having ingested so much, he didn’t feel even remotely sluggish.

“All right, that was great, that was really really good, Kakashi!”

“I’m glad you’re happy. We should probably get you home now.”

“Why? I think we should go for a walk! Actually, actually… I think we should go for a race! Yeah, let’s have a race around the edges of the village! Maybe multiple laps!”

“No, we definitely need to get you home, Obito,” Kakashi sighed, patting his friend’s shoulder, “You’re behaving oddly.”

“You’re behaving oddly! I-” Before he can say anything more, the jinchuuriki let out an almighty belch and face-planted into the counter.

“Goodness gracious!” exclaimed Teuchi, “Should I call a medic?”

“No, I’ve got this,” with an air of resignation, the jounin dropped a wad of cash onto the counter, picked up Obito, and slung him over his shoulder, fireman-carry style.

“Keep the change. And sorry about him.”

-

“Aaaa-aaa-aaachoo!”

“Well, I don’t know if this is better or worse than before.”

“It’s worse, for *sniffle* sure!” Obito moaned, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

“You need me to put more water in that cloth?”

“Please,” with a dramatic flourish, he lifted the wet towel from his forehead and held it out to Kakashi, who pinched it between two fingers and headed to the washroom. “My sinuses want to murder me. Ugh… I didn’t think I even had sinuses anymore! What is the point of being an alien plant creature if you still get allergies?”

“Hopefully it’s just allergies. I’d hate to think that you’ve somehow been pollinated.”

“I don’t wanna start sneezing out baby plants! Kakashiiiiii!”

“Still don’t want me to ask my mother for help?”

“Definitely *sniffle* not. I do not want her… ahh… ahhhhh… ACHOO! … seeing me like this.”

POP!

“Uhhh… Kakashi?”

“Yeah?” he responded, entering the main room again before stopping in his tracks, eyes having fallen on a single, white rose that had sprung up in between the floorboards.

“That wasn’t there before.”

“Yeah, you think?!”

“You think you did that?”

“Well, where else would it have… ahh… *sniffle*... ACHOOOO! … come from?”

“Look, I’ve learned to not assume anything in my lifetime. It could just as easily be that mutant roses have escaped from a lab in Otogakure.”

“I mean, I guess if it doesn’t keep happening, we don’t really need to- ACHOO!”

POP!

“... okay, maybe we do need to worry.”

Obito sniffled, staring wearily at the two roses sitting in the middle of the living room.

“It hasn’t happened every time you’ve sneezed though, right? It could just be a coincidence.”

“... maybe.”

“But you’re pretty sure that it’s you.”

“Look, I can buy a coincidence once, but… twice I’ve sneezed and those things have *snort* popped up.” He laid back down on the couch, massaging his temples.

“I’ll go out and see if anyone else is having problems with mysterious roses, okay? You stay here and try to sleep this off.” Kakashi turned to leave, before stopping, and planting a quick kiss on Obito’s forehead.

“I’m still glad you’re here, you know.”

“Well, then *sniffle* you’re crazier than I am.”

-

“Good morning, Hatake-san! Have you noticed the flowers?”

“Hmm, which flowers- oh, Shodaime-sama, good morning,” Kakashi bowed politely. He still wasn’t entirely used to the fact that a bunch of undead ninja were lingering in the village this long after the war, but it was sort of nice in a way. And, well, if anyone was going to know about alien flower mishaps, besides his mother, Hashirama Senju was probably the best person to ask.

“Are you… are you talking about the cherry blossoms?” he offered, hesitant. Best to not immediately start out with a weird question.

“No, though they’re lovely! Actually, I was referring to those,” the elder Hokage gestured down a side road. Kakashi approached, only to be greeted by the sight of… roses. Dozens of them, dotted all the way down to the end of the street.

“... Well.”

“They’re nice, but something about them doesn’t sit right with me. I can’t really explain it… but they feel intrusive.”

As Hashirama said that, a rose popped out of the top of his head. In response, he laughed heartily.

“I suppose we should figure out how to get these under control, before the entire village is overrun,” he says cheerily.

“About that… I might have some idea of what’s causing all this.”

“Oh?”

-

“I see. So, Obito-san started having strange symptoms after drinking… tea?”

“Tea from Ichiraku, yeah.”

“Hmm… do you know what kind of tea it was?”

“Well, I don’t know what was in it. It was cold tea from some shop down the street.”

“Oh! From Stone Bowl Teas and Boba, maybe?”

“Maybe.”

Hashirama beamed.

“Old Iwata-san has been trying to expand his clientele lately- he used to just run a traditional tea shop, but he’s been trying to branch out into some of the newer, trendier stuff, with a natural twist. I’ve been helping him with his gardening from time to time, it’s very relaxing. Did you know he keeps his own bees?”

“Does he make tea with roses?”

“He did mention something about that to me fairly recently, actually. Rose tea sweetened with honey. I think he adds a couple other ingredients to it-”

“Shodaime-sama… you said you help him with his garden.”

“Yes.”

“Do you… It’s fine if you do, but I have to ask… Do you use Wood Release at all when you help with that?”

Hashirama put on a bit of a bashful expression.

“Well, I suppose that takes a bit of the hard work out of it, but I love seeing the wonder in Iwata-san’s eyes.”

“You need to come speak with my mother. It’s really important.”

“The Goddess? Whatever about?”

“I don’t know how to explain. I don’t even know if there’s anything to explain. But I think Obito might be having an allergic reaction to your chakra somehow, and if that’s the case, my mother is going to need your help to fix it.”

-

“Hnnn… Kakashiii! I think ACHOO the roses are making me ACHOO sneeze!” Obito moaned, sprawled across the couch in a disheveled heap. All around him, the apartment was covered in white roses, so much so that Kakashi had to fight to get the door open. As he hurried over to Obito’s side, the Uchiha let out a dramatic wheeze.

“This is the ACHOO end for me, Bakashi! My ACHOO enemies outnumber me, and ACHOO I’m at the end of my ACHOO strength.”

“You’re really doing this now?”

“Look, I might actually ACHOO die from being crushed by ACHOO rose at this rate, I want to ACHOO milk it for all it’s worth.”

“You’re not going to die. I went and got help.”

“Help?”

“Fear not, child of the earth and the stars, I have come bearing the cure for what ails you!” The door flew open on its own, and Kaguya floated in, lavender hair billowing behind her majestically. In her pink, bunny-patterned, oven mitt-clad hands, she held a large pot.

“And I helped!” added Hashirama, who strode through the door after her, stepping carefully to avoid crushing any of the roses.

“Bakashi, ACHOO I thought we agreed that ACHOO you weren’t going to tell ACHOO your mom!”

“Okay, do you _ want _ me to leave you here to be crushed to death by roses?”

“...no.”

“Good. So, that tea you drank earlier was made from plants that had the Shodaime’s chakra in it, which is probably why you got so much energy from drinking it. But you were also allergic to it.”

“It happens to all my children from time to time!” Kaguya boomed, “Nothing to fear or be ashamed of.”

“Okay, now ACHOO  _ she’s _ milking this.”

“Look, that’s not important. We can cure this, you’ve just gotta eat what my mom brought.”

“Well, then let’s ACHOO get this over ACHOO with! Kaguya-sama, what have you got for me?”

Beaming, Kaguya set the pot down on the table, lifted the lid, and proudly announced, “Soup!”


End file.
